Wednesday, September 23, 2009

sometimes it hurts

Although yesterday started off fun with the new experience of caring for two babies at my home, it didn't end up on such a fun note.
Ben was gone to work for 9 hours and when he came home Malakai was fussing and daddy wanted to spend time with him so I made dinner and Ben ate while holding our little guy. Once I was able to sit down and eat my dinner he was getting ready to leave again. He was only home for two hours before he was out the door for worship band practice- this is his first week back with the band. With the house dark and mostly quiet, the loneliness settled in. I've warned myself and even Ben about the possibility of this happening when he went back to work, but it still came as a surprise. Malakai continued to be rather fussy on and off, but a smile here and there kept me going. By the time Ben got home three hours later I was broken.
He made a comment about leaving an hour early on Sunday morning so he could get a ride with a friend to band practice and I could have the car to get to service later that morning. When I said something about it, he said "well you won't have to get up that early" and I responded with "it's not about that, it's that you won't be here for another hour."
Then I promptly changed the subject to getting Malakai to bed and we both quietly went about our routine.
Ben's so good about giving me my space when I'm upset if I don't want to talk about it just yet, but knowing how long to let things simmer so they don't boil over. He waited til I got ready for bed and asked if I was okay and it just all spilled out of me. I was stressed from the events of my day, my shoulders were aching from carrying around the babies, my heart was lonely for my husband, and I was missing actual adult conversation.

I cried...and it felt good.

With Malakai snoozing in between us we chatted about our days for a half an hour in the dark which turned out to be exactly what I needed.

I feel better, and all would be perfect if my dryer would start working again, Malakai would nap in his crib, and the bills would pay themselves. Oh well, no day is without it's demands.

1 comment:

  1. I love those conversations that happen at night with the lights off....they always seem to make things better even if only until the next day!! Hang in there!!


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